Knowing A Child's Heart

A recent New York Times article about a top women’s basketball recruit of UConn burning out on basketball and choosing to give it up to be a walk-on volleyball player at Delaware points out the dangers of children being over-involved in sports as they grow.  It’s an important word of warning to parents who get involved in the AAU machine and other sports that demand large amounts of time.  Such commitment to youth sports can make the sport work instead of fun and can destroy real, quality family time.

My experience coaching an AAU volleyball team revealed that the parental involvement often led to less fun and enjoyment for the child, as the parent was more concerned about the child’s “success” (or the parent’s vicarious “success”) than with the simple joy of sport.

In the book, Pastoral Genetics, Ronald Cole-Turner and Brent Waters suggest that while a mother uses the childhood years as a time to separate from and give wings to the child that was literally a part of her, a father spends those years trying to connect to the child.  It is a difficult thing for a father to take the time to know and understand his child, to know and understand the role of sport in the heart of his child, and to make sure that the child’s interest in sport is distinct from his own interest.  Far too often a child’s pursuit of sport is more a reflection of the father (or mother) than of the child’s own heart.

In Proverbs 22:6 we read, "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it."  To train the child in the way he/she should go, parents need to know the child, to know his/her gifts and passions, to discern the path that will bring fulfillment and joy, and direct the child to be the person God has made him/her to be.  To do so is the great labor of parenting.

I know from my experience that it is difficult to separate my own passion for sports from my children’s passion.  I want to connect, and sports can be one way to do so, but I need to do so by understanding their hearts, not by trying to make their hearts like mine.  It isn’t always easy for me, but my desire is for them to pursue their own sports interests, not mine.

(If you have children or grandchildren who are getting deeply involved in sports, be sure to read the article.)