Knowing A Child's Heart

A recent New York Times article about a top women’s basketball recruit of UConn burning out on basketball and choosing to give it up to be a walk-on volleyball player at Delaware points out the dangers of children being over-involved in sports as they grow.  It’s an important word of warning to parents who get involved in the AAU machine and other sports that demand large amounts of time.  Such commitment to youth sports can make the sport work instead of fun and can destroy real, quality family time.

My experience coaching an AAU volleyball team revealed that the parental involvement often led to less fun and enjoyment for the child, as the parent was more concerned about the child’s “success” (or the parent’s vicarious “success”) than with the simple joy of sport.

In the book, Pastoral Genetics, Ronald Cole-Turner and Brent Waters suggest that while a mother uses the childhood years as a time to separate from and give wings to the child that was literally a part of her, a father spends those years trying to connect to the child.  It is a difficult thing for a father to take the time to know and understand his child, to know and understand the role of sport in the heart of his child, and to make sure that the child’s interest in sport is distinct from his own interest.  Far too often a child’s pursuit of sport is more a reflection of the father (or mother) than of the child’s own heart.

In Proverbs 22:6 we read, "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it."  To train the child in the way he/she should go, parents need to know the child, to know his/her gifts and passions, to discern the path that will bring fulfillment and joy, and direct the child to be the person God has made him/her to be.  To do so is the great labor of parenting.

I know from my experience that it is difficult to separate my own passion for sports from my children’s passion.  I want to connect, and sports can be one way to do so, but I need to do so by understanding their hearts, not by trying to make their hearts like mine.  It isn’t always easy for me, but my desire is for them to pursue their own sports interests, not mine.

(If you have children or grandchildren who are getting deeply involved in sports, be sure to read the article.)

Can 91-0 Be Good Competition?

Estero High School’s football team lost to Naples High School last Friday by thirteen touchdowns, 91-0.  It was a difficult night, not only for Estero, but also for the Naples coach, Bill Kramer.  As soon as the scores were reported, he started receiving angry e-mails.  Some were from Estero parents, angry that they had run up the score.  Some were from Naples parents, angry that their boys didn’t get play more in order to pad their stats.

 

Kramer had kept his best players off the field, some for the entire game, and ran only 31 plays, and still scored 13 touchdowns.  The student bodies of the two schools are of similar size.  But while Estero is rebuilding a lowly program, Naples is the reigning Class 3A State Champion in Florida.

 

Unfortunately, Kramer received the angry e-mails, but those e-mails seem to be misguided.  If there is blame to be placed anywhere, it would be in arranging the Classes so that such a mismatch can occur.  But, if these schools are similar in size and are in the same region, perhaps this couldn’t be avoided.

 

Regardless, Kramer made the best of a difficult situation.  It was not the time to run up the score any further by playing the best players.  Those parents who complained were giving evidence of a few deadly sins – envy, anger, and greed among them.  Kramer also didn’t make a mockery of the game by having the quarterback take a knee repeatedly, or having the players intentionally fail in their efforts, which is apparently what the Estero parents would have wanted.  From what I have read, he played the second and third string (fourth?) players, and let them perform to the best of their ability.

 

This is the basis of competition.  Both teams striving to the best of their abilities so that they might display together the beauty and strength and skill that result from God’s gifts and the discipline of training.  It is unfortunate that the teams were so unbalanced, but Coach Kramer did the best he could to even the sides, while still letting the boys play to the best of their abilities.

 

Estero High’s right guard, Mike Perez seems to understand.  Back at practice on Monday, he said, “Our team might not be winning or might not be on top right now, but we all have to do the best we can do. We can’t forget that.”  Doing your best, so that together, God may be glorified in the event.  That’s what competition is meant to be.